Self Doubt-The Curse of the Creative Mind

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NightmaresI used to have nightmares as a child.

I had a few recurring ones where I was taken prisoner by Frankenstein and rescued by my dog.

When I was an actress I had a nightmare per show.

Usually this would occur the week before the production, fondly known as “hell week.” That week you are living and breathing the show; it looks like it is a mess;  you never leave the theatre and everyone gets cranky.

When you are in school at the same time or holding down a day job, it becomes especially stressful. You are at the theatre until midnight, there is the wonderful time known as the “tech rehearsal” where you stand for hours while they light and mic the stage and you barely get through a sentence of the play.

Theatre nightmares were usually fraught with angst. Dreams ran the gamut from the hall stretching so you don’t make an entrance on time to being on stage by yourself with a full audience having to do all the roles and forgetting all the lines. Self doubt is in high gear.

Nightmares as a writer are different.

 

I wrote last week about the missing pages in this post, and the gift that I happened to be in Colorado at mom’s with an old desktop. I took that computer there when I upgraded my home computer. Happened to think, “What if those pages are on that computer?” And, “Voila!” They were.

I took it as a sign that I was to work on that project right now.

The thoughts that keep me up at night have to do with my own ability.

Isn’t that the same for everyone?

Before I got married almost 27 years ago I never doubted my husband and his love for me. I wondered if I was good enough. I wondered if I was capable of keeping a marriage alive for the rest of my life. And here we are 27 years later still in love and still having fun and remaining true.

Self Doubt–The curse of the creative mind.

 

Does it matter if I please everyone? No, because I can’t possibly. I can, however, do my best to please myself. I can work hard to be the best writer I can be.

When I was auditioning all the time people would ask,”How do you deal with rejection?”

I didn’t. Because I didn’t see it that way

I saw each audition as my one moment to play that part and to play it to the best of my ability. If I got the job–fantastic. If I didn’t, well, it was on to the next.

So I will write what I am writing and serve the piece as best I can.

And if it gets bought and entertains folks, terrific! It not I will seek to improve it, ask for guidance and ultimately move to the next story.

What is your worst writing nightmare?

Are you ready for some guidance to improve your writing? Do you need a cheerleader? I would love one which is why I write this blog because by encouraging all of you I am encouraging myself!

Let me know in the comments, an email or on my facebook page.

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