Summer Before College: A Parent Needs A Good Old Fashioned Cry

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Summer before college a parent needs a good old fashioned cry

 

I am not a perfect parent.

I never have been. I am simply a parent trying to navigate one of the more emotional times in that journey. This summer is a dividing point for our lives. Our oldest is off to college and will not be full time in the house again for a long time, if ever. I have written before in this post about the decision to stay positive this summer.

I cracked.

Two nights ago at 1 am I was restless and couldn’t sleep. I had made an error paying one bill twice and one bill not at all.  I was up and nervous and wanted to straighten it all out but it needed to wait until morning. Then I went to brush my teeth and just fell to my knees began to cry and hugged my dog. He likes to sleep on the stone floor in my bathroom.

I kept my promise

–I didn’t cry in front of her and since I am fairly sure she has never read my blog I can write about it freely. This is a lesson I learned while growing up and being lonely. I never minded eating alone at lunch I just didn’t want anyone to see me do it. Alone in the bathroom I let my feelings out. I turned on the fan so my husband wouldn’t be woken up. As a parent I believe you have to let feelings out. Most of the time I write it out but sometimes a good old fashioned cry is the only thing to do.

People want to fix things. This isn’t fixable. I know I will be sad. I will be alone at that point as my husband will stay with our other daughter who is beginning high school the day the oldest moves into college. Flying back Thursday I’ll be home the afternoon of her second day and I can’t wait to hear all about it.

I can hardly believe we are here. When she started preschool and when she started kindergarten it seemed so far in the future. Then the days were long and the years were fast.

The summer before my freshman year in college I was dating a fellow older than me by a few years.  Out of school and working already, he said to me, “This year is going to go by so quickly you won’t believe it.” He was right. I remember that summer so well.

I had my first professional acting job, worked on location for the first time and then left for school. Working on location was a nice warmup to college. I lived in a house with other actors and had to be responsible for getting up really early to get to the set on time, do my own laundry, take myself to the doctor in a strange town( we all got sick on that set) take another actor to the same doctor and make friends with people much older than myself and work with them. I learned how to be in a crowd at a bar and not drink because I was too young, had my purse stolen from a car on set, and had to live on 2.50 for 2 days when I was off work and the production office was closed. All of that I handled far from home.

When our oldest was born I wondered how I would handle an earthquake. Honestly, growing up in southern California this is something you think about. The first week we were home there was an earthquake. All was fine-just a quick jolt. I wondered how I would handle her getting a cold, falling down- all of that worry stuff. Now I know she is off to college and she will have to learn things on her own. I simply have to be confident that we have given her everything we could and that the good stuff is in her and she can do it-whatever it is.

The first day I left her at preschool the director said to me,

“She needs to believe that you believe she can do this.”

That is my job as a parent when I say goodbye a week from Wednesday, making sure she knows that we know she can do this and that we are always here. Roots and Wings.

One Response

  1. Theresa
    | Reply

    🙁

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