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April fools…

So looking back over my life I see many things I have done. I am not done yet! However, I am not successful in a real world way with my writing. I had one book that was highly successful. I have had 3 more that have helped tons of people. I am working on my next.

Sometimes in a world of easy comparison we have to remember what our mothers said(or at least my mother) when we wanted to do something that “everyone” was doing…

“You’re not everyone.”

But who am I right now? Do I matter outside of my family? Is it important that I do? These are questions that can stop you completely. Occasionally I make a list of my accomplishments so that I can see them. When you find yourself in an instagram comparison remember each person either downloaded that perfect photo or spent time making it just right. I have to admit that I want to be working better and faster with my writing. That is my 2019 plan. Write every day or at the least 5 days a week and this blog doesn’t count towards that, neither do social media posts. So here is the life list.

1. I have beaten cancer…so far so good.
2. I have been 1/2 of a parenting team to two sensational daughters.
3. I graduated from high school
4. I have been happily married for 28 &1/2 years.
5. I am a card carrying member of SAG/AFTRA which may not matter as much but when I got into the guild it meant the world.
6. I have finished 3 plus years of college and went back in 2017 —slowly making my way toward my BA.
7. I have fundraised for two different charities to the tune of $250,000 with the help of a great team.
8. I have been published on blogs, done podcasts, added to several anthologies, published 4 books.
9. I have helped people who have been kind enough to let me know that.
10. I have produced 5 charity events that have gone off without a hitch.

This is pretty good considering that two of my accomplishments are handling 50% of creating two human beings. The accomplishment of being who they are belongs to them I just guided along with my husband.

So now what?

Am I 55 having accomplished nothing or have I accomplished so much more as the ripples widen in the pond??? It used to be that being a wife and mother was enough. It is enough and would be enough for me if I didn’t also want to tell stories.

I keep being reminded of this picture book I read to our youngest.

“Ruby In Her Own Time” is about a little duckling reaching the stepping stones of her life in her own time while her brothers and sisters move ahead. She does things when she does things. It is a good lesson to all of us that:

There is no timetable except the one we set for ourselves.

So this is the truth. I am not there yet, but I am on my way to telling my stories on a wider scale.

Growing up in the 60’s and 70’s we were told we could have everything.

The career and the marriage were all possible. The women of my generation went to college in a way that the previous one did not. There is a bit of guilt over not doing it all for us. However, I think that for me, I prefer doing it all just not all at the same time. My girls are almost grown and I am ever present for them. My marriage is a long one and I am ever present for that.

I never have and never will regret the time spent with those I love.

But… as the girls have needed less of me I have found time to pursue what fills my soul outside of motherhood.

Let’s see what that brings forth. I am planning on it including books I have written…many many books.

And in case you are wondering, this morning I dropped everything and ran to ups something to our oldest that she needed for her class on friday…I am still, always, a mom!

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