Last night was fun–I stayed up like an adult–until 9pm. It was a “just us” thanksgiving—Funny though I found myself wanting to hesitate at the door—Then I took S’s hand in mine and we walked in. She looked at me and I said, “just hold my hand.” She said, “Why?” I said, “Because sometimes you make me brave.” My sweet kids who are so amazing—thankfully still treating me like mom—I find it easy to go places where no one knows–then there is no explanation and no talking about “IT” but then it is comforting to to talk and accept. This is a part of my life now. And I will have other things happen too. My children’s successes. My teaching, my joy in my husband’s music.
I feel good today and I think I am still waiting for the other shoe to drop–which is not a further diagnosis but the big moment of losing my hair. I mean once that is done there will be no more surprises. I have done a chemo. I have survived the days after. I don’t know how I will feel about the hair. I will wear more makeup I think.
I try to imagine it. Then I will look like a chemo patient or some really edgy wild woman rocker. Maybe I need to rip a few t-shirts –wear some heavy chains fryes and a safety pin as an earring. The flowy robe thing would be another choice but I think it reminds me of walking through airports in the 1970’s with the Krishna’s handing out flowers.
What will it be? Okay –cat suits and the bald head==looking like a fierce Emma Peal with really sharp boots.
Black Friday it is —do I need to shop for my new incarnation as a sleek bald woman–all 5’10” of me?