I never used to question my mind

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Really no one tells you that the combination of chemo, menopause and ptsd(not belittling any serious ptsd people out there but I think no one discusses this with people with catastrophic illness.) well that combo causes brain issues, memory loss, loss of concentration, difficulty making decisions, etc.
I have had all of them. I have checked out in the midst of a conversation, searched for words,forgotten why I left the house, where things are, had trouble deciding on things (as if my life depended on whether or not my daughter could have a playdate). I never had trouble remembering my lines, memorizing poetry or lines or speeches. I doubted like everyone does but truthfully I didn’t have trouble. I have an amazing memory. I used to juggle making dinner, answering homework questions and friendship issues. Now it is different.
I have to really consider my decisions as I no longer know the ramifications of them instantly. I forget things told to me yesterday but I can tell you all the plays I have ever seen and mostly who I saw them with.  I now hate balancing my check book as it demands the less used side of me…math.
I am going to speak again on breast self exam and I write notes just in case. I have gotten better. A lot better so that now I am aware that I have just remembered something that two years ago I would have forgotten. I am also compensating–I write everything down in my calendar, send emails to myself and make lists I stick to my dashboard.
The making decisions thing is the hardest for my family but that is getting easier. I need to talk to someone who specializes in ptsd and find out if my experiences are part of that or if they are just aging, chemo and menopause.
Be patient with us chemo folks, it’s hard on us too.

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